How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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