Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my shit smells like andre
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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