You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Someone came in the potted fern
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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