He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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