I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
