why didn't you poke me back
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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