I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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