At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize