I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
