When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
