hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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