Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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