A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
