I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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