Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
