I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
