you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
