Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You've changed since you got that strap on
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
