i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We have started to decorate penises.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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