the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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