my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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