Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
