my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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