I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
