if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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