hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
