haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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