I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize