I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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