Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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