He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
