I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
