OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
