You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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