I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
