omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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