shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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