There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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