'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
