My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
