If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
