So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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