I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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