I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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