you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
