you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
