come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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