...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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