I'm lost and stupid without you.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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