I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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