I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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