I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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