im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
