So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
