I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize