yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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