Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
