oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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