I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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