I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize