No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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