I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
