she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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